Mother's Day, A Sigh of Relief

It feels good to catch up here again.

Today was a good day as a mom. I enjoyed a reflective day, got exercise with my son and husband at the Y, had a good EA-step meeting (step four) and a wonderful dinner out at an Indian restaurant. Conversation with a favorite aunt was a great finish to a sun filled day.

For once I did not feel guilty for the joy I experienced or the money my family spent on me.

This is in sharp contrast to last year, when I had a hard time feeling worthy of any kind of celebration and I was distraught at getting a gift that my son loved that I could not appreciate. Having not yet made peace with the fact that I had grown up with a mom suffering from BPD, I felt alienated from my family of origin. I wasn't sure if I had it in me to leave a good legacy.

This Mother's Day feels so much more sane than last year's. In our community at this time in 2009, we had a killer on the run, who had shot three people in our town, including his wife. For weeks, I'd not been able to listen to the news or read the paper. It was an aunt from another state who told me (on Mother's Day) that the murderer's body had finally been found a few miles from our home. That man was likely a narcissist and a sociopath. He was also unfortunately the father of a sweet girl in my son's class at school, which made it even more personal.

Tonight I can say a hopeful prayer that the children have been woven into their life in a bigger city where they live with an aunt and uncle. I pray that love heals, and that they have more than enough love to flourish.

I hope that if your day has been planned around being a mom, honoring one, or making peace with one, that it was a satisfying endeavor.