My negative voice

My negative voice (some call it ego) is pretty strong these days. I can go to bed with peace in my heart, and almost unfailingly, my negative voice is reactivated by dreams that catch  my attention in the early morning. On these longest nights of the year, I wake while it is still dark. In the darkest part of the night, my soul should be sleeping.  Certainly my husband is. 

But instead, I have "the voice". And there is nothing to counter it, in the dark of night.  It is this voice that finds all that is wrong with the world, and with me, and at night it has a captive audience. Me, alone, separated from the rest of our family: my husband, my son, our cat, my writing (which, each time I publish and am paid,  makes me aware I DO have something to offer the world)... and my brother. It is my brother who I am always grateful for. Without  him, I know I would not be here.

We all need good witnesses. My negative mind is one I would prefer not to have.

This past few weeks it has had lots of material to condemn me with, and all because I showed up to keep my commitment on a project at my son's school. I ended up calling it the "project from hell." In sharing that with a twelve step sputnik (companion), I realized a new perspective on the project. Henceforth (likely in my next post) I will explore how that project was actually tuition.

Zena